Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Dating Faux Pas

Today’s Rant is a bit of a departure from its usual topics. Hopefully this list is helpful. Feel free to add comments and additional points.

1. DO NOT DATE AT WORK! Resist the urge. I don’t care how “hot” someone is…don’t do it. It causes awkwardness if it does not work out. Unless you are 99.9% sure you will marry this person, it will most likely end, and as every should know, there is almost never a “clean” break where both people are “friends”. The reason friendship is not possible after a relationship is because there were deeper feelings in the first place, which means they do not magically disappear…and for both parties no less. And if you run with the same group of friends, then it causes tension…”Who’s side do I take?”…“If we want to go to happy hour, which one should we invite?”…Etc. Lastly, if you work in the same department, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT date that person. You have to work with this person. And if it ends ‘bad’, how will you continue to work with them? If you really want to date someone in your department, then either switch departments or find a new job!
2. MARRIED WITH CHILDREN…or any variation thereof! Getting involved, knowingly, with a married individual is not a wise choice. Even IF they claim to be “separated”, I wouldn’t take their word for it unless you have been attending the divorce proceedings. If they are not separating, and having an affair with you, then hopefully you are smart enough to realize it will not last. And if they do leave their spouse for you, then expect to have them cheat on YOU! Once a cheater, always a cheater!
Ah, the bundles of bliss that are children! Getting involved with someone who has children is very risky and frustrating. There may be resentment shown from the children…that you are trying to take their biological mother or father’s place. Plus, kids are work. Relationships are hard enough…throw kids on top of that…and unless you are a saint, prepare to be aggravated.
3. DO NOT LOAN SOMEONE MONEY! This is wrong on so many levels. First, if this is someone you have known a short while (i.e. less than 6 months) it is inappropriate for him or her to be asking you for a "loan". Assuming they are older than 18 years old, they have had at least that span of time to make longer-lasting friendships than yours, and can ask them. Second, if someone needs money, it shows they are most likely irresponsible with money and that is NOT someone you want to be involved with. There are various ways to get cash in a pinch and this person should be looking into those avenues…ever hear of a cash advance on a credit card?! So unless it is some extreme reason that you can VALIDATE, the person is probably bull-shitting you and know that if you “loan” them the money, expect to never see it again. Instead, expect that they will try to “hit-you-up” for money again!
4. TURN OFF THAT PHONE! If you are on a date, turn off your phone…or turn to vibrate and then check to see who called, check messages, etc. when you take a bathroom break. Unless you are waiting to hear the results of Grandma’s live-saving surgery, DO NOT PICK UP THAT PHONE. You are on a date, and want your partner to know that he or she has captured your attention.
5. ALWAYS LOOK SOMEONE IN THE EYES! This doesn’t mean stare the person down…which will have the opposite effect. Just be sure to look them in the eyes from time to time during the conversation. Again, this is to let the person know you are listening to them and when you are speaking, that you have their attention.
6. DON’T LIE/OVEREMBELLISH! It will only come back to haunt you. Unless you plan on this being the one and only date and will probably not converse with this person ever again for as long as you both shall live…don’t lie. First of all, do you really want a relationship to begin with falsehoods? You should know if someone likes or doesn’t like you for you...not for your lies. Plus, people usually get caught in them. It is hard to keep lies up forever. One day it might “slip” and then you have lost the person’s trust. So with that said…BE YOURSELF!
7. MEN-EXPECT TO PAY…sorry! Unfortunately, it is still very customary for a man to pay. Although equal-right activists/believers (like myself) agree this isn’t right, it is still viewed that a man should make a strong attempt to pick up the check. It should be custom that the person who asks the other person out, be the one to pay but if a woman asks you out, unless she INSISTS on paying, do your best to convince her otherwise if you plan on seeing her again. For lesbian and gay relationships…flip a coin! Just kidding. Revert to the aforementioned custom of the person who asked the other one out, be the one to pay. For group/orgy type dates…got me on that one!
8. TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS? Unless you are 7-years-old and believe the opposite sex has “coo-dies”, then at the end of the first date, a soft, brief kiss on the lips is very appropriate. It assures the other person that you are attracted to them without jumping in their pants. However, if as you attempt to kiss someone, they move back or give you their cheek, then that should send up the warning-sign that they “just want to be friends.” Otherwise, it is due to a religious belief, but you would know this before you make it to the end of the evening because the person has talked all night about their faith. Note: no garlic with dinner as this may significantly alter the intended outcome.
9. DO NOT DRINK…Too much! This can be an awkward moment on a first dinner-date. Ironically, it is usually at the beginning of the date. What happens if you order a drink and your partner does not? Don’t fret! Have your one drink but be sure not to order another one even if you are not the one driving. Also, do not comment to the person, “Why aren’t you drinking?” The person may be a recovering alcoholic and this puts them on the stop to divulge very personal information right away. If they happen to mention that they are recovering, don’t look shocked or disgusted, unless you want to end the date right there, rather comment that it takes a strong-willed person to overcome the disease. Staying positive is the quickest way too…
10. SEX…though you should avoid having it at least for a few dates! Although personally, a man I picked up at a bar and had sex with wound up being my longest relationship to date, do not use my life as an example to follow. If you have sex on the first date, you can usually be assured of one of two outcomes: a. You never hear from the person again. b. The person becomes obsessed with you and will not stop contacting you. If you think the sex is worth it anyway…then have fun and BE SAFE!


Anonymous said...


The negatives totally out way the positives when it comes to dating at work. Depending on where you live or what you do in your personal life it could be the only way to actual meet people on your level (such as having a job and a car). However seeing someone you work with is not the smartest thing to do. Unless they are a Temp or you know your leaving the company soon.

Some of the positives are

1 Break down walls between men and females because if you do flirt it can be layered with work related content.

2 You do have something in common.

3 You can see each other every day and have that voice to talk to when you need to vent or joke with at lunch.

4 It can also create a great bond if you both work on the same project or client.

5 You know when they are working late the really are J

Some of the negatives are:

1 Everyone knows your business and constantly knows your relationship and status.

2 Jealously- if you spend too much time with someone of the opp sex on work related projects or even travel to other states together, this could create a great drain on a relationship. (Ex boss and assistant)

3 Breaking up is very hard to do: This seems to be the most difficult because you fight the temptation to see what they are up to and you can never lose the feeling for that person when they are not out of sight and within your mind every day when you go and get a cookie and some green tea cause you walk past their cube. Much like my number 4 positive and my number 1 negative your work life will constantly revolve around this person within your peers and until one of you leave. And if they do something like stealing from the company or get caught in the bathroom with the boss everyone will look to you for your comment

My best advice to dating at work is date someone your friends with 1st. get to know them realllllllly well. Keep it professional and keep flirting. Have a few drinks and keep it simple. If you’re really meant to be it will just happen.


I live with 3 basic rules in my life

1 Do not co-sign anything for anyone (unless it is your kid needing a car)
2 Do not trust anyone with your loved ones, property and ideas.
3 Do not lend anyone money over 10 bucks.

Look it is good to be a good person and lend you buddy 40 bucks for a ticket but 9 times out of 10 you should have just lit two 20’s with your lighter and watched the money burn.

Regardless if is a life long friend or a family member lending money to anyone is really risky. If you do loan money to someone go about it this way.

1 If it is a lot of money (like 2000) go ahead and write up a contact and have them sign it. If they screw you over you can at least try to get some money back.

2 If you really don’t like the person lend them the money and hope they never contact you again. Think about it you just paid your friend off to leave you alone.
(Ex Bronx Tale)

I just hate cell phones on dates or with friends. I think Cell phones are the new nicotine because it just ruins moments. Someone always feels the need to call someone to tell him or her they are drunk or they just saw a great movie. Are you really that fucking important that you need to check your messages on your cell phone every 2 min and tell everyone in the free world what you doing? Unless you’re working with George Bush trying to find Bin Laden turn your phone off and give your date or friends some attention. I think the best example of this is one the Paris Hilton porno video. Here she is naked with her boyfriend filming a sex tape and SHE STILL ANSWERED HER PHONE.

Your phone should be on for only one reason. Something important. (Ex family)

4. MEN-EXPECT TO PAY…sorry! Why is this an issue, most men make more money then women .I feel men should pay. If you lucky enough to get a date with a woman the least you can do is do something nice and buy her dinner. I mean if you dumb enough to lend your friends money or go and spend 80 bucks on a play station game why can’t you take out your visa and buy dinner at a Friday’s. I think this is one of those things that should Never change. If you have class, and have an interest in the woman paying for her meals shows you have a good nature to make her feel safe and that you’re a protector. Get over it guys, next we need to work on opening a door once and while. No wonder women are going bi and getting battery-operated toys.


I agree with you on this one. I really can’t add anything to this. People over embellish cause they really have nothing to say

6. TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS? Kissing on the first date is a sign to show someone that you’re interested in him or her or telling him or her you had a good time on the date. I really don’t think pulling away would be a warning sign they just want to be friends. It could be a sign they like to move slow or like to be careful with their emotions. If the feelings and the sparks are around you kissing and sex on the 1st date are not really a bad thing. You open yourself up for being used but in some cases (including my own life) a woman I had sex with on the first date was someone I dated for 1\2 a year. There is way too much thinking and not enough emotion in relationships today. Relationships are not formed and grown on stress and step-by- step processes. Be safe and enjoy your free time. Keep the game playing far away and your lips as close to your date as possible.

Looking someone in the eyes is vital to many aspects of life. If you in the business world or in the dating rows, looking someone dead in the eyes as you speak to them is a sign of giving someone your full attention and making sure they understand your point. Much like the number 5 Rant, most bullshit artist will not look you in the eyes and tell you a story however some people are shy or they lose their point cause they like what they see and start daydreaming about that person on a beach in Jamaica. When I look someone in the eyes I make sure they know I mean what I say, It is like burning an image into their mind to making sure anytime they think of that moment they will never forget what I said and how I looked. In a world of cookie cutter cars, clothing and music, looking someone in the eyes makes you stand out and come across a lot stronger and confident in your self and what your trying to get across.

This was posted by Rainmak1976@aol.com

Today's Rant said...

More from #1:

Here is an article from channel 2 news...http://featuredreports.monster.com/romance/date/?WT.mc_n=ibsid;orl;art01

Danger: Office Romance Ahead
by Roberta Chinsky Matuson
Monster Contributing Writer

You spend most of your waking hours at work. You rarely get out for lunch, never mind dinner. You'd like to meet that special someone, but you just don't know where to look. Suddenly, Cupid shoots his arrow, and it hits the person in the next office. Your heart starts beating faster and blood rushes to your head. Out with all reason -- love is in the air!

Stop. Sure, meetings will be more fun. You already have lots in common. But how often do office romances work? And when it ends, what will your life be like? Will you be peering around corners to make sure your former love isn't in the hall and avoiding the company picnic for fear your ex will flaunt a new love interest? Is this any way to live?

Before you throw your next promotion to the wind, here are five reasons dating your coworker might not be such a good idea.

1. Romance vs. Reality

Unfortunately, this is not a tale by the Brothers Grimm, so you can't count on a happy ending. You can rail against the unfairness of it all, but think of it this way: If life were fair, you wouldn't be in this dilemma, and the arrow would have pierced the heart of someone nice who works for the company across the street.

If you're smart, you will deal with the real world and anticipate plenty of bloodshed before this tale concludes. One of you may need to leave the job if things don't work out. If things do work out, one of you may have to go, because it's against company policy to date fellow employees.

2. One Promotion Later...

Let's say you become involved with someone in your department, and you receive a promotion. Now you're in a relationship with your subordinate. This opens up the possibility of blackmail. And what happens when it comes to conducting reviews and disciplining your honey? You get the picture.

3. Play It Cool

Still thinking of dating a coworker? Better start popping extra vitamins and heighten your sense of discretion. You'll need a lot of energy and concentrated effort to keep your office romance just between the two of you. And when coworkers eventually find out, you may be the subject of ridicule and suspicion:

"I can't believe he's going out with her."

"Of course he got the raise. Look who he's dating."

If you want people to focus on your professional abilities, don't give them reasons to fuel the rumor mill.

4. It's Not Just About You

You may think this is a private affair, but is it really? Logic tells you your romantic involvement will impact your coworkers directly. If you sit together in the company cafeteria, will people now feel they should give you privacy? Will they exclude you from certain conversations, because they don't know what you'll relay to your new love?

Consciously or subconsciously, your relationship may influence decisions that go well beyond a lunchroom. Your romance may color everyone's judgment with regard to promotions, projects, team building and responsibilities. The relationship could make it more difficult for your department -- and depending on your position, your company -- to operate effectively.

5. Harassment Possibilities

And then there's the "H" word and all it can entail. If your relationship ends badly, will your ex-love tell HR you were making unwanted advances? Think about how a harassment suit will impact your career. Then join a local dating service.

And while you're at it, join some professional associations. They offer many opportunities to socialize while moving your career forward.

So before you pencil in a date with your office desire, schedule dinner with some nonwork-related friends. You'd be surprised what might happen if you start nurturing your other relationships. If you spend a little more time away from the office and your coworkers, you might give Cupid a chance to improve his aim.

If you still feel your coworker is the one, what do you do? If you work for a big company, transfer to another department or facility. If that's not an option because of your profession or company size, get yourself a new job.